The past week has been a flurry of activities. A few college events here, some test papers there and a lot of tension in my head. Whether the proposed change for a new format in some competition will be accepted or the result of a much anxiously awaited moot court competition will be in our favor are thoughts that are constantly running in my head.
Writing was something that I did when my thoughts were clear, composed and organised. Right now they seem all scattered. The same is the case with my paintings. I haven’t painted in a almost a year. And pardon my french, but that just sucks. Things that I would have loved to do have become chores and in an unexpected way I have come to feel miserable in the life that I so carefully chose for myself.
Let me rewind all the way back to the start of this semester. High on the success of publishing a paper with a close friend and over-estimating my ability to work hard, I signed up. For almost everything that came my way. A moot, check; a post to be a debate secretary, check; opportunity to be an editor, double check; help out in random other college seminars and conferences, need you even ask? I was present every where, trying to do everything.
The reason I was trying to do all this? Success. A Law school can be a pretty competitive place, and I wanted to do the best everywhere, get the most experience, have the most amazing CV. But I guess, in an attempt to increase the quantity of my activities, I have compromised the quality of work that I am doing. I underestimated the amount of work and involvement necessary for each task and that has come to bite me in the ass more times than I can remember now. For a girl who prided herself on being a “strong, independent woman” who could handle anything thrown her way, I have come to be a person who constantly goes to friends to help her out with work at the last minute because I can’t manage to meet the deadline.
Like an ignorant fool I have refused the advice of a close friend time and again. I should have known the outcome of this experiment before I even started it. I mean, seriously, for a girl who has read and watched Harry Potter innumerable times, I should have known how Hermione’s tryst with the time turner to work hard ended.
As a result I was always tired. My breaks from work would consist of me doing some other work. Even worse, I lost all interest in the work that I genuinely cared about. Thankfully, I have learnt my lesson. From now on, I aim to concentrate only on that which is important to me. Quality over quantity is what I should aim for and not be sucked in to the “fill your resume” parade.
(And just like that, my scattered thoughts came back to me, in an organised way. What they say is true, writing does clear the mind)