WHO AM I?

This is something that I wrote halfway through my first semester in law school. Needless to say, I was having a serious existential crisis, well as serious as any teenager might experience. Anyway, I thought I might share it here.

It has been three and a half moths since college has started; three and a half months since I have been living in a hostel; three and a half months since I have stayed away from my family for long periods of time. Not many people would think that it is a considerable amount of time, but I beg to differ. It may not seem as much when compared to the 5 years that I have to spend here, but it accounts for something.

That something is the change that has taken place in me.

Before joining this university, I was a little sad as I had missed an amazing opportunity to study at another National Law University of my choice. It had come as a shock at first that during the re-shuffling of the list of names, my name had been transferred from the University of my liking to the one that I am studying at now. But it had happened and a few weeks later, I was in this foreign place, bidding my parents goodbye. I was still in doubt. Do I suck it up and pretend like it doesn’t faze me, do I give up on this place and go back to my city to write the entrance exam again or actually be open minded and give this place a try. After a few days of college, maybe a few weeks, I decided that I would want to go along with the third option.

At first I was antisocial, not speaking to anyone much but just keeping to myself. Except when people talked to me and unless it was absolutely necessary, I wouldn’t talk. Later, I started mingling a little with people. Even then, I was comparatively quiet – the thing was that I didn’t mind being alone. I had few friends and I was fine with that. I was still the serious girl who sat in the front of the class and paid attention in class.

I had one aim, to be the topper in this place. That’s why I had chosen law in the first place, to fulfill my dream of being one of the best in this field. And for that dream to come true, I didn’t want to score anything less than a 10 CGPA. I didn’t think this was impossible either.

Now, three and a half months later, I find myself in the company of all these cool people around me, my friends. Instead of being in the room, cooped up all day, studying into the next century, I am on the football field, cheering on my friend (oops, bff) to score a goal. Instead of reading newspapers and learning about what is going on in the world and keep abreast of all the latest happenings, I find myself texting 24/7. Instead of sleeping at 11.30 and waking up at 5.30, I find myself staying up late. And I am enjoying all this, it’s not like anybody is forcing me to do things that I don’t want to. Instead of studying up on various case laws, I find myself studying various websites, blogs and cartoon strips with great detail.

Have I changed? If so, how much? Have my priorities changed? Before, I could sit down with a book and finish 400 pages in one go. Now I can’t even finish a 200 page novel that I like within a month. If the past me was made to stand next to the present me, she would have strongly disapproved of what I have become. Probably wouldn’t have recognized that it was her down the thread of time.

Thing is I don’t know which one I prefer, either. This is not why I came to law school; this is not why my parents sponsored me to go to one of the top law colleges in the country, heck, this is not what I had in mind for me. Granted, there are a lot of plus points too, when I go a little easy on myself. The stress is not giving me headaches as it did earlier; I have an awesome group of friends, plus its fun. But does it really mean that I have to change my identity? Am I still the same person that I was when I first came here, three and a half months ago? Which leads me to ask the one question to myself everyday – “Who am I?”

I am in my second semester of legal education now. Despite what I have written, reading it once again made me realize that I am essentially the same person with a few different qualities, what one would call inner growth. I have now, hopefully, found a balance between my social life and the academics and am still working towards the 10 CGPA. Hope y’all enjoy this post.

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Morning Walk

 Today, I decided to wake up early and go for a walk near my campus and found this extremely beautiful place on top of a hill. Experiencing the sunrise was surreal. Here are some of the photos that I took.

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The Last Sunset

The Last Sunset

This is a photo of the sunset i took on New Year’s eve

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A Toast – to this year and the next

Oh gosh, is it already the end of 2012? At the risk of sounding clichéd, I would like to tell that I never anticipated this year to move so fast. I mean, come on… it seems like just yesterday that I was watching Tangled and ushering in New Year i.e. 2012. This year was supposed to be one of the most important years of my life. Why? I will tell you why.

This year I turned 18. I was excited as hell. It’s not like one turns 18 every year. It is the year when you become a major, when people start treating you as an adult and where your opinions are as important as the President’s. Truthfully, none of this happened. It was like any other birthday (although I firmly refused to cut a cake). Apart from being a major and the fact that I could vote, nothing else had changed. Apparently, turning 18 means that I am still entitled to my mom’s opinion.  And no, I dint even develop any super-hero like powers. But still, I had fun.

Mommy knows best

Secondly, this year was important because I had to write 2 of the most important exams of my life.  They were the Board Exams for the 12th grade and the famed CLAT to get into one of the 14 National Law Schools. Preparing for these monstrosities took up the first 5 months of this year. Sad, I know. But I had to do well in these exams as these were my stepping-stones for the other future possibilities in life. There is something that I  learned from these exams – no matter what happens, one must work really hard for us to succeed. There is no other way. You want something, you must work for it. This was a really important realization that kind of changed my life.

After all that studying and being a nerd and not indulging in social activities for the most part of this year, I realized that it had paid off (If you imagine a girl with glasses, hair left wild all around her face, hunched at her study table, cramming last-minute knowledge late in to the night, you are not exaggerating). I got selected in a National Law school of repute and I came out with flying colors in the Board Exams. Thus started the third most important period of my life – my law school life. Although, it did not go exactly according to what I had planned, I still ended up in a rocking place that I am more than happy to be in.

Now that I look back upon all that has passed in the last year, I am happy about the fact that I have grown a lot. Maybe it is the whole living on my own thing, or taking a stand and pursuing what I love, whatever it is, this year, although it started on a bleak note, it has been an outstanding year. The best I can hope for is that next year too will be as fruitful for me and everybody else.

Happy New Year everybody. Hope this year at least, we will be able to stick to our resolutions for more than one obligatory week. To a new beginning in 2013.

 

Cheers!!! :)

 

 

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Us against the World

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