Hey guys, it has been a long time. A very long time since I have written my last post and a long time since I have even thought about writing one. The usual excuses would be that life caught up with me, I never really had the time or something along those lines. But instead of explaining why I haven’t written in quite a while, I will let you know why I am writing now, after so long.
Everyone has this moment in life. Where you question the meaning of life. Where you question which direction you are going in. Where you question if life is sucky as a student, will it really change when you go out into the “real” world. I am now in my third year of law school and had this feeling just before I started my year.
Getting no answer to any of these questions, I turned to the person who I have personally known to withstand all difficulties and still find the strength to smile and help others – my mom. She, in all her wisdom (which also includes smacking me on the head when she feels I am on my bad behaviour) told me that it was all in my head. That I was over thinking all this and making a mountain out of a molehill.
Doing nothing all the time is not my cup of tea. Having an agenda, an every day to-do list gives me a purpose in life. I feel so lost without these tools in my life. But the monotonous way my life was going before that, no work, no study pressure, no moots to obsess over, no inspiration to paint or draw put me in a very bad state. So I subconsciously took my mom’s advice and started doing something for myself. Taking up all sorts of opportunities that came my way. I was chosen as a part of the Editorial Board for an environmental law journal, am a part of organizing a lively debate club in my college every week. Not only this, I am also working on two simultaneous moot court competitions. All this at the same time. Not to mention try to cope with all the classes.
Thinking back upon it, maybe my mom was right. Maybe I was making a big deal about the not having to do anything. Because, I panicked and I took up all this work. Now I will always be doubtful about how I have performed. Whether I have given my best to all this? Could I have done better? There will always be a doubt. This post was to help me clear out my head, stand back and get a perspective again.
This whole situation reminds me of the scene in Kung Fu Panda, where Master Oogway says, “There is just news. There is no good or bad.” That quote has a zen-like feel to it. Maybe my state of being was never bad or good. It was just how I looked at it.